Forgiveness

If you've been following me for a while, you know that I have a history of abuse. One of the hardest things I’ve had to do was learn to forgive my abusers. You might think they didn’t deserve my forgiveness and I thought that too for a long time but the truth is, me holding onto my bitterness wasn’t hurting them... but it was hurting me! They were unwell, a healthy person doesn’t hurt another human like that, so in order to forgive and release my pain, I learnt to have compassion for them and their pain. They each had their own trauma that they hadn't healed and that played out in the form of abuse. Of course I have healthy boundaries around that and they aren’t welcome back in my life but I’m no longer holding onto my pain.

Perhaps even harder though was forgiving myself. For a long time I carried a lot of shame about what happened to me as a child and as an adult I beat myself up for continuing the cycle and ending up in an abusive relationship. It's been a long time and I've done a lot of work on myself since then but my inner child sometimes still acts out when she perceives a threat. It's in those times that I have learnt to soothe her by reminding her that as an adult I will take charge and protect her in the way she always should have been protected. If you've never worked with your inner child this can all sound a bit daunting but there are heaps of great resources you can tap into - try searching inner child guided meditation on YouTube. I personally like to pop some Forgive in my bedroom diffuser and listen while I drift off to sleep... if you'd like to know more, drop me a message.