I’ve never been one to conform just so I didn't rock the boat… I probably gave my parents a few grey hairs when I was growing up by being so determined to stick to my guns and do what felt right for me!
Back in my district high school days I had major issues with the way one of our teachers treated us, their behaviour was way out of line. I knew lots of the other kids had issues too, they just weren’t fighting back like I was for fear of ending up in the principals office or spending their recess on the bench (as I did a few times). So I decided to go on strike! I literally just refused to go to my next class with that teacher. When the bell rang signalling the start of the next period, I just stayed put in the quadrangle. I’d passed the word around amongst the other students before I did it but I had no idea whether they would back me or if I’d be sitting in that quadrangle alone. The thing is, it actually didn’t matter to me, I knew I would be making my point either way. Turns out the majority of my high school joined me. We sure got the principal’s attention then! He promised to do something about it… although I was still “punished” by not being allowed to attend our graduation ball even though I graduated… which actually didn’t bother me at all!
Speaking of school balls, when I went away to boarding school, it was a tradition that the year 12 girls attended a debutante ball. They got all dressed up in long white dresses and were “presented” to dignitaries to signify their “coming of age”. Even in the 90's I thought this was an antiquated and sexist tradition so I declined to be presented. Instead I attended the ball in a little black dress! You couldn’t get any less conforming if you tried I didn’t think any less of my friends who wanted to be debutantes, just as it was my choice not to be presented, it was their choice to be presented (although I think there were definitely girls who just went along with the crowd without really thinking about what it meant to them). My point is, it didn’t sit right with me so I honoured that and chose not to follow the crowd.
I’m no different to this day, there has been many a time where I’ve shrugged off peer pressure, raised an eyebrow or even copped abuse for not going along with the majority. I don't do it simply to be obtuse, if the crowd is going in the direction I want to go then I'll happily join them! I'm talking about when I disagree. Going against the crowd when I disagree is never the easy road but it’s the road that lets me sleep at night knowing that I haven’t compromised my core values… and going my own way always works out just fine in the end. Take the glowing reference my boarding school gave me for example, despite my decision not to conform.
If you’re struggling right now, come back to your core values. Where are you willing to compromise and where is your boundary? Draw your line in the sand. Honouring yourself is not selfish, it’s selfless.
Trust your inner voice.
Tanika
xxx
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